
long skirt and carrying a large checkered bag.
‘Good afternoon,’ I nodded politely.
‘And a good afternoon to you, child,’ she replied.
The train started moving again. My earbuds had
nally died, so I tucked them away and went back
to watching the trees icker past the window. The
woman clearly saw my empty ears as an invitation
to talk.
‘So you’re… a student, I suppose?’ she said as
she wiped her nose with a cotton handkerchief, then
tucked it into her pocket. ‘I am,’ I replied, eyes still
xed on the window.
I didn’t feel like chatting. I didn’t want to
spend the next two hours hearing about grandkids,
ungrateful youth, and government subsidies.
‘I knew it! So young, and with a laptop too—must be
a student!’ she continued cheerfully.
I sighed inwardly and silently scolded myself for not
charging my earbuds.
‘You see, my youngest daughter’s nishing her
second year. That’s why I can always tell who’s a
student,’ she added with a grin. I forced a weak
smile in return.
‘What year are you in?’ She studied me with curiosity.
‘First,’ I replied curtly.
She must have sensed my disinterest because she
fell silent and pulled out some knitting. And just
as I caught the pungent smell—boiled eggs, and
probably sausages too.
Of course: third-class carriage, heat, and eggs
with sausages. Classic. Please, God, don’t let
her have onions as well…
She clicked her needles busily, and I found peace in
the quiet, even if it came with the scent of eggs and
meat. Minutes passed. The train rumbled on, and
my eyes drifted to the rhythm of the knitting in her
hands. She noticed my gaze and smiled.
‘I’m knitting this for my grandson,’ she said
gently.
‘That’s very sweet,’ I replied—and I meant it.
Her eyes sparkled with joy.
‘He’s turning two soon. I’m on my way to see
him for his birthday. Got him a gift,
an expensive one, been saving from
my pension. And I’m knitting him this little
outt too.’
‘Sounds lovely,’ I nodded.
‘Oh yes,’ she brightened, clearly happy I
was nally engaging. ‘He’s a good
boy. But lately a little bit naughty, not
listening to his mama—my daughter,
Solomiya.’
She shed a phone from her pocket, the kind with a
ip cover, and looked ready to show me photos.
I sighed internally again and braced myself for
the parade of baby pictures. In adulthood, there’s
an unwritten rule: you pretend to be fascinated by
photos of other people’s children, no matter how
little you care. So I leaned in with a polite smile.
‘He’s adorable,’ I told her. She nodded, pleased, and
swiped to the next photo.
‘And here’s a vest I made him last month.
Pretty, right?’ ‘Very pretty,’ I said, wondering how
many babies and vests I still had to compliment.
She kept swiping. I kept watching. And then—
suddenly—a photo of a young man in military
uniform appeared. Smiling broadly, rie in hand.
Dust lined the creases around his eyes. His face was
unshaven. I must’ve reacted, because she glanced at
the screen and said, ‘Oh, that’s my son-in-law Andrii.’
I looked at her, then back at the screen. The man
looked barely older than a teenager.
‘He was killed at the beginning of June. Not even
forty days yet…,’ she added softly.
Something thudded in my chest. I looked at the
woman—really looked at her—for the rst time.
‘Honestly,’ she continued, her voice hollow and far
away, ‘I thought Solomiya would lose her mind. She
was home alone when they told her. Oh, she was
screaming and crying desperately… I thought I’d
lose my daughter too.’
I heard her voice as though through water. My eyes
stayed xed on the soldier’s face.
She swiped again. A young woman stared back at us
from the screen—barely older than me, red-rimmed
eyes, a black mourning band on her forehead. Her
face pale, almost blue. A chubby little boy leaned
against her shoulder. I wanted to say something. To
that mother. To the woman sitting in front of me,
who carried her daughter’s grief as though it were
her own. But the relentless years of war had bred a
strange immunity in me.
Not numbness—no. I felt it all. Deeply, truly.
But if you let yourself break over every fallen
soldier, every wounded civilian—you’ll end up in a
psychiatric ward before long. My tongue forgot how
to move.
‘May Andrii rest in peace,’ I muttered, barely
audible. ‘Thank you…’ she sighed. ‘He would’ve
turned twenty-three this August. Dropped out of
law school and volunteered for the front. The rst
time he was given leave, he and my daughter got
married. You see, they were in such a hurry
to live…’
She paused.
‘Then came Tymoy. Andrii saw his child maybe
three times. And now… now Tymoy visits his
father at the cemetery. Kisses the cross on his grave,
my sweet boy. Kisses it, and looks up at the sky—
because that’s where his daddy is. And Solomiya…
She’s like a ghost now. Only that kid keeps her alive.
If it weren’t for him, I’d have buried not just my
son-in-law, but my daughter too.’
DIAS’PORA MAGAZINE 48
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